I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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