I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
