he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
