i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
