Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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