Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
