I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize