the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
