I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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