She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Boobs speak an international language.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i've created a new STD.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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