He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
