If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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