But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
