Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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