she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
