Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
