You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
