dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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