Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
