yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
