The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
