Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
