is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
