The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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