she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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