im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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