Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
