then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do herpes really smell.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
