why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
