I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
