Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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