I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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