Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
