Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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