i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
should my penis look like a turkey
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.