office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
