my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it