Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain