Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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