My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize