So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
