Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
