I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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