You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
