You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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