She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
