At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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