Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
