everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize