arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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