tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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