so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize