I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
