im holly from the hills drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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