1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is wine microwaveable?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
