matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
