Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
