i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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