eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
