I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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