I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
