neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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