I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Still dying that you shit outside
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
