What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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