your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
