i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
